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This article originally appeared on the Ellen Degeneres Show website.  To see the original article follow this link http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2009/05/do_you_know_a_child_who_is_bul.php

 

May 14, 2009 | Posted at 11:54 AM

Donations for Carl Walker-Hoover:
Memorial contributions may be sent to:

Carl J. Walker Trust Fund
c/o Hampden Bank
19 Harrison Avenue
Springfield, MA 01103

If You Are Being Bullied...

Tell someone. This may seem scary at first, however, telling someone can lighten your load and help you work out how to solve the problem and stop being bullied. Talking to someone is particularly important if you feel unsafe or frightened, or if you don't have many friends. Asking for help or talking to someone about it is not being weak or "giving in." In fact, it can take a lot of strength and courage.

• It might be easier if you talk to someone you know well and trust; they will give you much needed support and will often have suggestions you hadn't considered for dealing with the situation.
• You might feel more comfortable taking a friend with you. If you feel you might get too nervous to speak, write down what you'd like to say on paper or in an email.
• If you don't feel as if you are believed or taken seriously, or if no action is taken, it doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid or the bullying should continue. It's important you tell someone else and continue to do so until you are helped.
• Being bullied can be upsetting and stressful and can affect a range of different areas of your life, including self-esteem, relationships, work or study. You can find out more about how it might affect you here.

If Your Kid Is Being Bullied

• Listen with empathy. Many times, kids, especially boys, feel great shame when bullied. As a result, it's very hard for them to talk about it, and in the process, get some of the pain out of them and move toward a solution.
• Tell the teacher and/or school, but even more important, document the event and others before it. This way you can provide the teacher with facts instead of emotional appeals, which are understandable but not necessarily very helpful.
If You Hear From Another Source That Your Kid Is Being Bullied

Bring it up to your child. They need to know that you're aware of the bullying situation and that you're willing and able to provide protection for them. This protection comes in three forms. You'll want to use them all.

1. Give Them Confidence. Let your child know you believe that they already have many skills necessary to combat this bullying. Tell your child that in some situations they will be able to manage the bullies all by themselves. Make up a bullying scenario, and then ask them what they would do, given the situation. Say, "What would you do if you walked into the bathroom at school and three bullies were in there?" Affirm any skills that you believe viable. If they say that they would turn around and walk out, respond, "Good for you. If you think a situation is unsafe, it's best to get away."

2. Prepare Your Child for a Confrontation. Quick retorts, spoken with a powerful voice and strong body language work best. Role-play with them. Have them practice using sound bites that they might use to curtail these bullies. Fine-tune these lines to fit their particular situation. Some examples: "Get away. You're mean. Leave me alone." "I may be short, but I'm mighty." "I'm a little chubby, but I'm not fat. No one's perfect." "I'm not stupid. It's mean of you to say so to anyone."

3. Check-In at School. Contact your child's teacher and the school principal if you sense the bullying situation is beyond what your child can manage on his or her own. The bullying incidents are probably not only happening to your child -- there are most likely other victims at their mercy. It's likely a school problem that school authorities need to address.

Website Links

Trevor Hotline:

The Trevor Project operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves lives through its free and confidential helpline, its website and its educational services.

Website: thetrevorproject.org
Hotline: 1-866-4-U-Trevor

Boys Town National Hotline:

The Boys Town National Hotline is a 24-hour crisis, resource and referral line. Trained counselors can respond to your questions every day of the week, 365 days a year. Among other things, they can help teens and parents with:

• Suicide prevention
• Depression
• School issues

Website: http://www.boystown.org/AboutUs/hotline/Pages/CrisisHotline.aspx
Hotline: 1-800-448-3000 to speak with a counselor.
Email: Go here to send an email to a counselor: http://www.boystown.org/AboutUs/hotline/Pages/EmailUs.aspx

Hopeline:

24-Hour National Suicide Hotline. Since 1998, Hopeline has answered more than 3 million calls.
They provide a life-saving service that is private and confidential for people in need. Calls are connected to the nearest crisis center.
Website: hopeline.com
Hotline: 1-800-Suicide

Bullying Statistics

An estimated 30 percent of American youth are either a bully or a target of bullying. (The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center)

A survey of students in grades 6-10 shows that 13 percent report having bullied other students, and another 11 percent said they were the targets of bullying. (The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center)

Nearly half of children between the ages of 9 and 13 have been bullied, and nearly 10% of those students say it happens on a daily basis. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

In general, most every article speaks of increased bullying due to the rise of the Internet. Known as cyber-bullying, victims can also be targeted outside of school, at all hours of the day because of sites like MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube -- not to mention cell phones.

Boys are often beat up, while girls are the subject to rumors. (The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center)

Bullying and Suicide

Suicide remains among the leading causes of death of children under 14. And in most cases, the young people die from hanging. (AAS)

A new review of studies from 13 countries found signs of an apparent connection between bullying, being bullied, and suicide. (Yale School of Medicine)

Suicide rates among children Carl's age are very low, but are "creeping up." (Ann Haas, Director of the Suicide Prevention Project at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)

The suicide rate among young male adults in Massachusetts rose 28 percent in 2007. However, that does not reflect deaths among teenagers and students Carl's age. (Massachusetts Dept. of Public Health, in a report released April 8, 2009)

Since 2002, at least 15 schoolchildren ages 11 to 14 have committed suicide in Massachusetts. Three of them were Carl's age. ("Constantly Bulled, He Ends His Life at Age 11," by Milton J. Valencia. The Boston Globe, April 20, 2009)

Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades. (The American Association of Suicidology, AAS)

In 2005 (the last year nationwide stats were available), 270 children in the 10-14 age group killed themselves. (AAS)

Bullying and Homosexuality

In a 2007 study, 86% of LGBT students said that they had experienced harassment at school during the previous year. (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network -- GLSEN)

Research indicates that LGB youth may be more likely to think about and attempt suicide than heterosexual teens. (GLSEN)

In a 2005 survey, students said their peers were most often bullied because of their appearance, but the next top reason was because of actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression. ("From Teasing to Torment: School Climate of America" -- GLSEN and Harris Interactive)

According to the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network 2007 National School Climate Survey of more than 6,000 students...

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation
• Nearly half (44.1 percent) reported being physically harassed
• About a quarter (22.1 percent) reported being physically assaulted
• Nearly two-thirds (60.8 percent) who experienced harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school
• Of those who did report the incident, nearly one-third (31.1 percent) said the school staff did nothing in response