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Cheryl Diaz, right, with daughters Veronica Rodriguez, 19, and Estrella Diaz, 7.Jim Craven

September 13, 2009

By Sanne Specht

Mail Tribune

Cheryl Diaz placed last year's family Christmas photo on the desk in her Central Point office and pointed to her 14-year-old daughter, Reina, before breaking down in tears.

"She told me she would never do it," the White City mom said. "She promised me."

Diaz's daughter committed suicide on Aug. 26, about two months after one of her close friends, a fellow White Mountain Middle School student, killed herself.

"I begged the kids at her funeral, 'Talk to your mom and dad. This isn't the way,' " Diaz said.

"I told the parents to watch their children. When they're telling you nothing is wrong and they're hiding in their bedroom, something is wrong."

Reina was the fourth Jackson County teen to commit suicide this year. Five children under the age of 18 killed themselves in the county last year, said Gretchen Ericson, youth suicide prevention coordinator for Jackson and Josephine counties.

"Jackson County rates are higher than the state average," she said. "We want to implement suicide prevention programs in all schools." The program, called RESPONSE, has been implemented in all high schools in Josephine County and four districts in Jackson County, she said.

Suicide is preventable, Ericson said. And it is time for adults to talk about teen suicide — among themselves and with their children, she added.

"It is important to know that asking directly about suicide does not increase the risk of suicide. It doesn't put the thought in someone's head," Ericson said.

In the past three years, Ericson has trained more than 1,200 professionals and community members in Southern Oregon in suicide prevention.

Diaz said her daughter got good grades in school, enjoyed track and soccer, and created beautiful artwork. But Reina was also deeply troubled. The teen battled depression, wrote about death often and had engaged in self-abusive behaviors, she said.

"She was cutting," Diaz said, adding she'd attempted to stop her daughter's self-abuse by sending her to stay with extended family for a couple of months.

"I thought if we could get her away," she said.

After Reina returned, she still showed signs of depression. Diaz said she wishes she had trusted her intuition more and pressed harder for counseling. Especially after the suicide of Reina's friend earlier this summer.

"I knew something was wrong," she said. "I just knew it. You know how you get that feeling? I should have gone further with this counseling thing."

Friend and neighbor Tracey Pyle said her heart goes out to Diaz and her family.

"I have five kids and I can't even imagine the pain," she said.

One of Pyle's daughters was friends with both Reina and the other 14-year-old girl who committed suicide on June 7. The tragedies have shaken the community.

"This has taken a toll on a lot of people," Pyle said.

It is estimated that 86 percent of parents were unaware of their child's suicidal behavior, Ericson said.

"Youth are very good at hiding this from adults, and I believe that often they don't want to upset or burden their parents," she said. "Maybe they think it will go away, or they can handle it themselves. However, kids often do tell their friends about their suicidal thoughts."

But friends of suicidal teens often have a difficult time telling adults because they feel they are somehow betraying their friend. Ericson stressed that this is a secret that is too big to keep and friends often are burdened with this knowledge.

"If your friend is talking about this, do not keep it a secret," she said.

The health education component of the school-based prevention program teaches youth the importance of telling a trusted adult if they believe that a friend is thinking about suicide.

In the school districts that have implemented the program, specific staff are trained in advanced suicide intervention techniques and all staff are trained to know how to refer students to "go-to" people, Ericson said.

Parents should inform school staff if their child is dealing with anxiety or depression, especially if the child has threatened or attempted suicide, said Doug McKenzie, director of special services in the Eagle Point School District.

"Let us know," McKenzie said. "We're all trying to create a team. If we saw some things at school, we could contact the parents. And we would hope the parents would contact us."

Diaz's family has been shattered by her daughter's death. Her husband and their five remaining children are traumatized. And she is riddled with self-doubt and regrets.

But Diaz hopes by speaking out she might help another family avoid the pain she and her family are enduring.

"This is so final," Diaz said. "I want kids to know you can't come back from (suicide). They just don't realize there's so much more to live for. And the hurt they leave behind."

Reach reporter Sanne Specht at 776-4497 or e-mail sspecht@mailtribune.com.